Its awesome to be able to share those hind sights with friends expecting their first baby. I'm sure they take it with a grain of salt, as any new mother should do, and as I did, because parenting styles are as unique as we all are as people. There are a lot of important decisions we made that were largely influenced by the network of new parents and trusted experts we had around us, but a good number of decisions were informed by online research too. The one place that tried to give us a lot of advice, but that we didn't rely too much on, was the store we registered for our baby shower at. It gave us list after list of 'stuff' we needed people to buy us, but as it turned out less than half of that stuff was really important or worth worrying about.
If you gather the collective wisdom of all the moms you know, you're likely to come up with a lot of great ideas. Take the most extreme ideas from either end of the spectrum with a grain of salt, and try your hardest to actually accept the advice that starts with "I wouldn't have believed this before I had a baby but...". What emerges is a realistic picture of what you really need for a new baby and what the experience will really be like.
It is awesome to see so many moms around me really supporting one another. Before my first baby I learned more from researching online and reading books than I did from real-life moms. If I'd taken the time to talk to more real moms, perhaps I wouldn't have ended up with too many clothes in the newborn size or 20 cutesy cloth bibs that were never worn, and may have asked for one-dish dinners instead for shower presents (which is my favourite gift for new parents ever since I had a baby myself). I would have found as much new baby 'gear' as possible second-hand, or tried to borrow it (like baby swings, bouncy chairs, exersaucers, bassinets, crib frame, etc.).
Who Will Bring Your Baby Into This World?
The most important piece of advice I followed when we found out I was pregnant was to use a midwife. I had three close friends use a midwife and rave about it. This is by far the best decision we made in preparing for our new baby girl.
Before we even conceived our first baby, I always imagined I would give birth in a hospital, maybe with pain meds, and anything else I saw on The Baby Story from TLC. My prenatal class instructor later regarded The Baby Story and What to Expect When You're Expecting as fear-mongering. The labour & delivery of my first baby was as far from that tv-driven image of childbirth as possible. My first baby girl was laboured and born at home, in water. In the pre-baby years I probably would have viewed this type of birth as very 'out-there', 'granola' or 'tree-hugging'.
After a lot of reading I decided that a midwife was the smartest choice for me. They focused on giving the new mother CHOICE in her pregnancy and birth. Tests were not conducted automatically without consulting the new parents. Labouring at home as long as possible before birth, and returning home as soon as possible after the birth were a key part of the approach. Research has shown that new mothers are more relaxed at home and a more relaxed mom labours better then a tense mom in a foreign environment, where they may not be sure if its a safe nest or not.
Many moms I spoke to who had ob-gyns attend their pregnancy and labour loved them throughout the pregnancy (except for maybe the 5-min appointments in some cases), but the divide happened over the labour & delivery. Some moms didn't end up with their own doctor for the actual delivery, and those that had their own doctor didn't see them more than once every hour or two until the actual pushing stage. I can't imagine that experience for my first baby's labour & delivery, which lasted 37 hours and was delivered posterior. I'm convinced she may have been a C-section if I'd been with an ob-gyn and our recovery and wonderful start to breastfeeding wouldn't have happened so smoothly. I didn't have to take her out of the house until she was a week old and the only germs she was exposed to were those she had already experienced in-utero. Our second daughter was born in hosptial with our midwife, and I still wouldn't trade the home birth experience for anything.
On a Lighter Note...
My sister-in-law and I threw a small baby shower for our other sister-in-law last fall. A nifty idea that surfaced while planning that shower was to create a list of 'can't-live-without' items for a new mom and new baby. We put together a 'survival kit' for the mom-to-be with things like sensitive wipes, carter's onesies, lansinoh nipple cream and pads, a thermo-baby daphne bath seat, a Pipallily toy strap and a few more things. It wasn't glamorous or cutesy, but the goal was to make life a little easier for my sister-in-law in the first few weeks of new motherhood. Another neat idea for that shower was a photo-mobile with baby photos of the mom and dad-to-be, with some ultrasound pics of the new baby (to be replaced with real pics after she arrived).
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| Baby Photo Mobile |
Once the new baby arrives, by far my favourite gift is one or two homemade dinners, ready to thaw & reheat, in one dish preferably. It looks like I'm going to have a lot of batch cooking this spring!
What do you think every new mom should know or ask? Click on "# Comments" below and let me know!
